A Goal to Aim For

Today was a pretty good day. I can honestly say that I am getting ready to go to bed feeling good about the day. I have kept a close eye on my calorie consumption, even this evening. When I came home, I ate dinner and I left it at that. (Well, I did have one bread and butter pickle spear about 30 minutes after dinner.) I have a goal to reach on Sunday and I have to do everything in my power to make sure I see the number I want to see on Sunday. This brings me to my workout today...

I set the timer on the treadmill for 25 minutes as always. I was sitting at (I think) about 1 1/4 miles when I upped the timer another 5 minutes. I was cruising right along, lost in my music and my drive to achieve something today, when all of a sudden, my treadmill came to a stop. My first thought, "Didn't I add more time?" Then I thought, "The treadmill broke?" Then I turned to look behind me and realized that the dude on the treadmill beside me unplugged my treadmill when he got off of his. I took my earpiece out and I think my mouth was hanging open just a bit. I couldn't believe that my workout came to an abrupt halt like that. I think I've mentioned in one of my blogs before how much I like the "numbers" that I see when the workout is over. The total calories burned, the total distance and total time. I like those. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. This dude's wife or companion or whomever he had come in with just smiled an said, "Wow, that was a sudden stop wasn't it?" I don't think the dude ever apologized. I've decided that he sucks and I don't like him anymore. (A bit of an exaggeration there, but I was a bit taken aback by his lack of common courtesy.) ... So I RESTARTED my workout. That really ticked my off. No good numbers to look at. Now I'm sweating and nothing to show for it. But that's ok, because I decided to take my energy and channel it into running for a bit. Well, I don't know if it was a run or a good little jog. It was nice though. I jogged or ran for an entire song. It was an upbeat song and it felt good to run/jog to it. I even did a bit of a jogging dance. With two particular repetitious beats of the song, I did a little side-step. I have no doubt that this may have looked a little weird to an onlooker who had no idea what the beat was playing in my ear, but to me, it was really fun to do a little dance-of-sorts on the treadmill. I have always loved to dance. But to "dance" while I did something that made me feel that good... that feeling is irreplaceable. The name of the song?... Feel Good, Inc. How coincidental. The song that followed was a really good running/jogging song as well. One day soon I will be able to run/jog to both songs consecutively. I promise you (and me) that!

Thank you so much for your comments! They really mean alot to me.
I hope you all have a great day today (or tomorrow, whichever the case may be.)

x's and o's
Rachel

Better Than I Expected

Today is weigh day. I almost forgot because I haven't had much determination this last week. When I woke up this morning, it took me about 10 minutes to remember that it was weigh day. So, I hesitantly decided to hop on the scale after my bath. I cringed as I stepped on. I feared that I had gained or at least remained the same from last week. I only worked out one day this week and my calorie consistency has left alot to be desired.

Well, I am very happy to report that I have lost the gain that I had from the medicine as well as 2 additional pounds. This morning's weight is 244. I was very excited about this. It was totally unexpected and I think it may be part of what I needed to put me back on track this week.

Even though I know it may not be the best approach, I am gong to try something new. I am going to try as hard as I can to hit 240 by next Sunday. I am going to have to be super strict with myself and work out everyday regardless of what obstacles I have this week. I want to see results and I need a goal to shoot for in order to get the results I want. So we'll see how this goes. It's only a little over 1/2 a pound a day, and that's do-able.

I am also going to try my best to blog everyday, and not just days when I "feel like it." I find that if I don't "feel" like blogging, then it's probably because I haven't been very focused on my journey. It's easy to ignore our shortcomings if we don't have to face up to it by writing it out. I don't want to be easy on myself at all this week. I can do this. My will is strong. It's my attitude that has sucked this week. I will keep my attitude in check and be back on track.

Thanks for hanging in there with me. It's been a struggle and I am sure that it will continue to be. (BTW, my husband just held a plate full of pizza rolls up in my face to offer me one. I declined, of course. This WILL continue to be a struggle.) I can and will overcome the issues that I deal with everyday. I can do it and so can you, my blogger friends! Let's do this together. Let's make some dreams come true!

I hope you all have a fabulous week full of success story after success story!

A Better Day

So I didn't really get anything "analyzed" yesterday. I just didn't have time to fit all that much thought into my day. I've determined that "figuring out why" takes A LONG TIME. So my approach yesterday was what I improved. I spent the day working on keeping my calories low like I normally do. Then before I came home, I had a plan. And I stuck with that plan. We were having chili dogs for dinner. So when they were ready, I ate one with a few corn chips, then I consumed my time with other things. Then a couple of hours later, I ate the other one that I had planned on having. I spent some time reading over some material for work. It was a half hour after that when I had a dill pickle (love those things!) Then as a late night snack, I had some grapes.

I would like to thank you for your suggestions. I tried to use busy work so I didn't eat so much and I think that helped. I also attempted to identify how I was feeling when I ate, but I couldn't quite figure that one out. I wasn't bored or upset. I think I just wanted the food. Odd. I'll have to work on that some more. And I kept a positive attitude, knowing that I could control what I did, and it worked!

Today is a new day and another chance to do it again. I'll come up with a game plan sometime throughout the day and I'll be ready for myself by the time this evening rolls around.

I need to do some serious anaylizing! Here's the deal, I do a fabulous job of keeping my calorie budget in check during the day. I am very concious of what I am taking in and how many calories are in each thing. But then, I come home....

It seems that I''ve become something that I'm not nor have I ever been. I eat ALL EVENING LONG! I have never done this, at least not that I'm aware of. But I've been doing it all week! I don't know what has happened to create this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type persona that I have taken on.

I am a very analytical person by nature and I am racking my brain trying to figure this out. Am I bored? Is this stress eating? Am I feeling deprived? Am I eating just because the food is here? I don't know and it's driving me crazy. Jack Sh*t mentioned this in his interview with Sean Anderson yesterday. He said that the thing that scares him the most is not knowing why you fight so hard to lose the weight and then you turn around and go crazy. I put in all that I have to be good all day long and not overeat and then I go to the Y and work out as hard as I can and then I come home and throw it all away. A full day's work for nothing. Amber Anderson put a cute little saying in her blog, "Tough cookies don't crumble." I feel like I'm a tough cookie that gets dipped in milk everyday.

Maybe I should find something to stay busy while I'm home at night. I've toyed with the idea of getting rid of all the food in the house and going to the store daily and only buying what is needed for the evening. Perhaps I should just not come home until bedtime. Maybe I have a more serious problem than I thought. I don't know. I know this has to stop and it needs to stop today! I can't keep this up. It is very self destructive behavior and I already know that it is leading down a horrible path.

I will do some serious thinking on this issue today, perhaps some research, and let you know what I've decided to do about it.

About The Delay...

I would like to apologize for the delay in postings. I have been soooo overwhelmingly tired here the last few days. I've been decreasing my prednisone, and physiologically, it's been wiping me out. Steroid use affects the adrenal glands. The adrenal glands are part of the network that controls hunger, fatigue, sodium secretion, cortisol release, etc. My adrenal glands are trying to catch back up to functioning independently without the steroids and they have really been doing me in. My workout Friday was what I would call pathetic. I could only walk 1/2 mile, and it was at a fairly slow speed, and that took all the energy I had in me. My workout Saturday was nonexistent. I am still quite tired today, but today is the first day that I am completely prednisone free. It will take a couple of days to be up and running like I should be. I can't wait for that day. I am tired of feeling so exhausted and I'm tired of fighting a hunger spurred by the use of steroids. I am ready to be back on track...

So... weigh day was today. I have to say that it has taken me all day to work up the nerve to post today. Last weeks weight was 246. Today's weight, 253. That is a 7 pound gain. Now I know that physiologically speaking, I would have to have eaten about 30,000 calories this week to have actually gained that much weight; and that's without working out. I know that I had an awesome workout 3 out of 5 days last week The other 2 days, I walked at least a 1/2 mile. So I am battling with this weigh day number. From a medical standpoint, the only thing that could cause that much weight gain in that short of an amount of time is water weight gain due to sodium retention. That makes sense with the steroid use. But it doesn't keep me from beating myself up over the number. I am truly disappointed and I have no choice but to wait until next week to find out if not taking the medicine will make any difference.

I know that I am not going to give up, even though I felt like it this morning. All I could tell myself is "What's the use? You've done all you can and you still gained." But I know better than that. I'm a nurse. I know what certain medicines do to you and I know that things will be better without those nasty steroids. I was dreading them from the beginning because I knew it would be a battle, but you never know how it will feel until that day comes. That day was today and it felt horrible!

Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow will be good.

Is Walking Really Exercise?

Yesterday I went to the YMCA in the afternoon. I started out by setting the timer on the treadmill for 25 minutes. I got so wrapped up into my own thoughts and the music on my mp3 that I didn't realize my 25 minutes was up until I went into cooldown. I was pretty upset by that because I didn't want to stop at 25 minutes and I like to see the total numbers. I decided to turn off the treadmill and restart it for another 25. After about 15 minutes of walking, I had a thought. You see, I usually use the "fat burn" setting on the treadmill. With speed and elevation, the treadmill tries to keep me at a target heart rate of 119 beats per minute. This is supposed to be be optimum heart rate for losing weight for my age and weight. I generally walk at around 2.4 to 2.6 miles an hour. Well, back to my thought I had. I wanted to kick up my speed just a bit and not worry about the target heart rate. I was feeling good and I wanted to move more, faster, harder. I wanted to move as quickly as my mood felt I needed to move. I wanted to really sweat. So I kicked up the speed and I ran for a bit ( I think 4.1 or 4.2 miles an hour), then I backed down to a hard walk then back up and jogged a bit then back down to a speed walk. I did this for about 10 minutes. It felt really incredible! I really felt like I had worked out.

But now to today. I decided to not go to the Y today. I had a ton of stuff to do at home, and I knew that I had this new Richard Simmons video that I hadn't tried out yet. So I thought I would go home instead and workout there. And so I did. Now, I just thought I was working out when I walked on the treadmill. I think I may be wrong. Aerobics are more of a workout than I know what to do with. I was quite fumbly what with this being a new Richard video to me, and I barely made it through most of the moves. When I couldn't catch up, I just kept moving. Richard kept encouraging me the whole way through telling me that I would get it, just hang in there. And I have no doubt that I will. But I know this, I need to start doing a real "workout" more often. I am sure that walking is doing amazing things for me. But I don't know if I can truly call it exercise after what I did this evening. This is really exercise! So I have decided to do this at least twice a week, if not three times. Perhaps Sundays and Wednesdays for now. Yeah.

What do you guys consider a "real" workout?

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

Yesterday's Workout

Melissa and I met at the Y in the morning, just as planned. We worked out. Was I happy with the workout? Yes and no. ANY workout is a good one in my opinion. Do something, anything, everyday. Well, this was something. I walked on the treadmill for only 30 minutes. (Pause for a moment of reflection...I just realized that only a few weeks ago, I was walking 10 minutes on the treadmill, weights, then walking 15, and I was more than happy with that... just 25 minutes on the treadmill. Hmmm.) Anyhow, we weren't sure how long it would take to shower and get ready there, so we quit 30 minutes in and went downstairs. I was ok with 30, but I wanted more. I'm sort of getting used to walking a full hour. It feels good to do so and anything less just doesn't seem like enough anymore. At any rate, we had a better idea of how long it took to get ready and get to work. Hindsight tells us that if we got there 15 minutes earlier, we could feasibly work out for an hour, and still be able to make it to work on time.

So here it is, 6:30 in the morning, and I am not at the YMCA... why? It's storming outside. Melissa called me just before 6:00 and asked that we forgo the workout until this afternoon. She, nor I, wanted to brave the lightening to go get in our vehicles.

Here lately, I have been so positive. My attitude about everything has been just great. I struggled with that yesterday. I don't know why exactly. Maybe the steroids were making my attitude suck. Perhaps it's situational. I am hoping it wasn't the morning workout that did it. Maybe it's those around me with poor outlooks and attitudes rubbing off on me. Whatever it was, I hope it's gone, because I can't afford not to be positively charged anymore. A negative attitude is a path straight back to my old way of living. Not caring about what I ate or whether or not I worked out. My give a sh*t has truly been broke for so long now, that I fear if it breaks again, I won't be able to fix it.

So here's to a new day. One full of positive thoughts, feeling and actions. Let's do this!
Rachel

I Can Live With That

Today's weigh day didn't bring me a number that I wanted. But I'll take it. Last weigh in was 247.8. Today's weight... 246.2. So I only had a 1.6 pound loss in one week. I can honestly say that I wanted more. I wish I could have tweaked the scale down another two-tenths of a pound to make it 245. But I'm good with the 1.6. What I am really good with, is the way my jeans are fitting me. They don't fold down when I sit anymore, and I was able to wear a shirt with them today that I would not have dared to even try a couple of weeks ago. Even though the numbers aren't as low as I like, I still really like the way I am looking and feeling these days. I am feeling slimmer, and that means the world to me.

Going to try something new tomorrow. I'm going to start meeting my friend Melissa at the Y at 6:45 in the morning and workout before work, then shower there and go on into work. We'll see how that goes. I used to be a morning person; before I started back to school, that is. We'll see if I can get back to being that morning person again. I really enjoy quiet mornings, watching the sun come up and hearing the birds bring in the new day. It does something special for my spirit. Kinda makes the day all the better. I'm looking forward to it.

Hope you all have a great start to your week. I wish you all the best!

Rachel

Getting Fit Five Minutes At A Time

So I went to the Y this afternoon knowing that I would walk on the treadmill for an hour, at least. When I hoped on, I set the timer for only 45 minutes, for whatever reason... I have no idea. Well, turns out that 10 minutes into my walk, I was dreading going 45 minutes, It seemed so far away. So I went with yesterday's strategy, I backed it down to 25 minutes and then kept adding 5 minutes at a time. This works so well for me. It's nothing to say "Ok, 5 more minutes, Rach." But when you see that you have 35 minutes left, it seems alot harder.

So I thought I would shoot for a 5k today. I had nothing planned and no one at home waiting on me to make their dreams come true. When I got to 60 minutes, I had maxed out the timer. That sucked. I know, I know, I could have just started a new session on the treadmill, but I like to see the total of my numbers; calories burned, distance and time. So I walked my 60 minutes and was on cool down when I noticed that I was at 2.4 some odd miles. I wanted 2.75, but I knew that wasn't happening, but I thought to myself, "Hey, make these last 2 minutes count. Let's see how far you can go." I kicked the speed up to 4.1 miles an hour and I RAN! It felt so awesome! Now I don't think the treadmill appreciated this at all. I could almost physically feel the treadmill grab ahold of the ground and scream "Oh sh*t!" I don't think these things were made for 247 pound women to run on them. But it was so incredible! I can't recall the last time that I have ran for any length of time or for any reason. Today, I did it because I was curious to see if I could, and I did. Totally cool! Now remember, it was only for a couple of minutes, maybe less, but I ran nonetheless. If you can get to the point where you can run, give it a try. You might love the way it feels. Oh, by the way, my total today was 2.66 miles. Gotta love it!

Tomorrow is weigh day. I can't wait to see my weight. I hope it's good.

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

A Fabulous Workout Indeed!

I went to the Y this evening after work. The 5 O'clock crowd?... Nonexistant on a Friday. Who has time to be healthy when the weekend is here, right? Anyhow, the cardio room was EMPTY when I showed at 5:15 or so. Two other people came in over the course of my workout, but it was nothing like it is on a Monday or Tuesday. So back to my workout. I had decided on a 25 minute walk, ususally about a mile or so. 20 minutes into the walk, my phone hadn't rang, the work phone hadn't rang, so I bumped it up 5 minutes. 29 minutes in, I bumped it up another 5. This kept up until I had spent an entire hour on the treadmill! I walked a total of 2.33 miles today! That was the most awesome feeling! I think it may be the longest I have ever walked in one setting. I probably could have held out for a 5K, but I really did need to go because I had things to do. But I felt like being selfish for a bit and working out much longer than expected... And it was amazing!

I can't wait until weigh day. For those of you who don't have an official weigh day yet, you should. There is something to be said for looking forward to hitting a goal you may have in mind. I think I work out harder and watch what I eat much closer because I want to see a result on a particular day. Now I will be happy with whatever I get on Sunday, don't get me wrong. I just know that I want it more now than I did even a week ago. I don't know how to explain it exactly. You'll just have to give it a try and see what a difference it makes.

Ok, so I'm off for now. I just had to get that out there.

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

Becoming Selfish

I am pretty excited about this weekend. Why? I'm on call. I know... I know. It's sounds as though I've gone overboard on the positive energy thing. I haven't. Really.

At work, we are required to have a weekend on-call shift once every 6 weeks or so. Since you have to "work" all weekend long, the following weekend, you get 4 days off. So... I am on call this weekend, which is exciting to me, because I get my first 4 day weekend next week! That will be fabulous!

Weekends are my downfall. I have a hard time motivating myself to go into town to go to the YMCA to workout. I live about 10 miles out of town, and it is quite a chore to get up and go to town what with all the kids and the husband. It seems as though everyone has an agenda, and it's hard to work everyone's plans in. It's not motivation that I lack. It's just easier to forgo my workout than to have to try to fit it in with what everyone else wants or needs to do. However, my unwillingness to try to make everyone else happy is dwindling these days. I have found that I am being quite selfish here lately. Selfish about what I need and want to do for my health and betterment. I think this weekend I will offer to let anyone go with me to the Y that wants to, but I'm not doing anything else while in town. I will go, do my workout and come home. If anyone needs anything beyond that, they can wait until I get home, and we will do it then. There. That feels better. I like that idea.

Have a wonderful day!
Thanks for reading,
Rachel

A Fabulous Day Indeed!

Today was such a great day! I've stayed below 1500 calories for the day. (I seem to be able to do that much easier these days.) But the best part... today was the best workout ever. First I hit the treadmill for 1 1/3 miles. I probably could have gone longer, but I got a call from work. I only had about 30 minutes left at the Y before I had to head back to the office. So I went to the weight room. THIRTY REPS ON EACH MACHINE!! That felt so amazing! I just know I burned off some calories doing that many low weight high reps. I felt the burn, but it was so worth it. I can't wait to be able to go back again tomorrow and see if I can do the same or maybe even more before the phone rings.

This is awesome!

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

Positive Energy

I am feeling consumed by positive energy! I LOVE this feeling! Every day, I wake up and I know it will be a good day. I'm not sure that people who are having bad days like to call me anymore because I am just too darn positive. I really do believe that misery loves company... And I am not just very good company for misery right now.

I just felt the need to say that this morning.

Thanks for reading,
Have a great day!
Rachel

Quick Update

Real quick, then off to work this morning...

I got a call from my nurse yesterday. She says my lab came back great! Bad cholesterol was fine, good cholesterol was a little low. Need to add some cheerios, oats and walnuts to my diet. Other than that, everything looked good.

Went to the rheumatologist yesterday, he called my one swollen toe a "sausage digit." I am not kidding when I say that. That's a little discouraging for someone trying to lose weight. You don't like for anything on the body to be referred to as a sausage anything. At any rate, he says sausage digits are common with psoratic arthritis. Since I don't have psoriasis, he scratched his head and hesitantly diagnosed me as having psoratic arthritis without psoriasis. He placed me back on the weekly injections to help with the arthritis, prescribed me another two weeks of steroids and said see you next year. Don't like the shots, but I like not hurting much less.

Yesterday was a good little workout. Just a little over a mile on the treadmill, then off to enroll the kids in school. I'll be glad to get them back into a good routine. It seems to be working pretty well so far this week. Let's see if it continues to run smoothly.

Off to work. Hope you all have a happy successful day!

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

That Can't Be Cheese

Yesterday was a hungry day (Darn that prednisone.) I was hungry ALL DAY LONG. I had a lunch at the office which I had planned to eat when I got back in, but I was so hungry that I stopped off and picked up a taco. It's not too much of a waste of calories, and it was good. So I got my morning running around done, went back to the office and stayed for about an hour or so to eat lunch and get some paperwork done. Then I was off again to see my afternoon people. When I went out to my car, one piece of cheese from the taco lay there in my seat. Now, I need you to know, I live in Oklahoma. It's pretty hot here right now. The "cheese" looked and felt the same as it did when it was on my taco. In the 90+ degree heat, trapped inside a car, it should have melted... I don't know what the orange stuff is that they put on my taco, but I don't think it's really cheese. So I think I will forgo the foreign orange substance from now on. If the Oklahoma heat can't touch it, I don't know that my intestines can do much more for it. :-)

I hopped back on the treadmill yesterday for 1 and 1/4 miles. It felt really good to get up a good sweat again.

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

Weigh Day Sunday

I've officially made Sunday my weigh day. I know I weighed only a couple of days ago, but I've decided that Sunday will be a good day for weigh day. It will be a good start to the week. A good weigh day would mean all the more motivation to lose more; a bad weigh day means all the more motivation to make changes from the previous week. So Sunday it is. Today's weight... 247. A one pound loss from a couple of days ago. I'm pretty excited about that due to the fact that it has been crazy around here and I haven't had time to work out. Just goes to show that I can still lose weight just by watching what I eat. The loss will be even greater when I am able to hop back in to the workout routine.

So the kids start back to school this week. It's time to set out a routine. I think this will be the first real "routine" we've been able to have here in this household in many many years. I have been in school for the last 5 years, so schedule times never matched up, dinner has been hit and miss and alot of "fend for yourself" days. The chores haven't been organized, and laundry only seemed to be done when we needed clothes. I'm going to sit down today and make a schedule for household. I'm pretty excited about this, mostly because I am going to finally be able to have more organized, healthy dinners. I will be able to cook for my family instead of saying, "Mom's headed out to class... You guys grab something out of the freezer to microwave." I've decided that I will go to the grocery store once a week and buy what we need for the week. We won't have a whole lot of "junk" laying around the house to eat for no reason at all. I will have snacks for us to grab, but they will be the healthy ones this time; not snack cakes and corndogs. Ooh... I am going to find the fruit bowl and reintroduce it to the kitchen table. They haven't seen each other in so very long.

I can feel some positive changes on the horizon for my household. This is gonna be good!

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

Small milestones

I don't have an official weigh day. I probably should; that way I can keep a more accurate count of where I am and how well I've done over the past... however long. I can tell you this,though, when I began blogging, what, a couple of weeks ago, I believe I still weighed 257. Today, I clocked in at 248!! This is awesome to me! Especially since I wasn't able to do much of anything last week. That's a nine pound loss! I believe this is the start of some really great motivation.

My toe doesn't hurt near like it did, but I am having a little trouble with my hips. I think it's because I was in the car almost all day yesterday. I am a psych nurse, and I travel with my job. I go to my consumer's houses to see them. Yesterday's mileage totalled just over 100 miles. That makes for some achy joints. But today... today won't be a bad day at all. I hope to be off work early enough to get to the Y before the "Five O'clock Crowd." Even if I don't, it's odd, but you usually don't see as many people at the Y on a Friday as you do a Tuesday or Wednesday. And especially not as many as Monday. You know, everybody has a great new resolution to start working out "On Monday" and then by Friday, they are going to start back on Monday again. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about and are probably guilty of it yourselves. I have been before. But not anymore. I'm feeling very motivated these days.

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

Something Is Better Than Nothing

I didn't get to have much of a workout today, but I did do a little something. I met my best friend Melissa at the Y today, and all of the machines were taken. Even the weight room was filled with people. We usually try to go around 4 or 4:30, but today our work schedules wouldn't allow us to get out of the office until after 5 pm. So we didn't get to the Y until 5:30. It's the working-man's hour at the Y. It seems as though everyone gets off work and goes straight there. So, off we went, to Melissa's house. She has a treadmill there and some weights and an exercise ball and some other various things. So I walked on the treadmill while she jumped rope and did jumping jacks and hoola-hooped for a while. Then she tossed around a medicine ball, I think it's called and then did some crunches on the ball. At any rate, I think she did more than I did today. I was only able to walk for about 15 minutes before my toe began to hurt, so I had to quit. But, 15 is far better than what I have been able to do for the past week. I expect my toe to be back in full working order within another day or two.

So, I ordered the Cardio Twister the other day. You know, the one on the infomercial that works your upper, mid and lower body. I am pretty excited about it. It doesn't seem to take up too much room so I will be able to put it in the living room and watch the video that comes with it or maybe some music videos or maybe just listen to my mp3. Or maybe I will just work out in silence. I like silence. It really is golden for me. I live daily with someone that makes noise without even realizing it, and I just really like peace and quiet. So hopefully the Cardio Twister won't make much noise. : -)

Ok, I had better rap it up. One of my new calorie count books came in today and I want to read it for a bit before bed.

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

Morning update

The house is cool this morning. My husband is trying not to take the credit for it because he isn't exactly sure what he did to make the AC work, but I know I didn't get out there and tinker with it and make it work, so "Way to go hubby!"

I can walk without much pain this morning! This is incredible! I hope to be back at the Y today and back on track to the most wonderful, exciting journey of all! (I'm just full of exclamation points this morning. This would drive Amder crazy!)

Amber is my dear friends' Sean and Irene's daughter. Their family has also make incredible transformations in mind and body. If you don't already read Sean's blog, you should. He has made amazing changes in the last 324 days. He has the greatest story to tell. His journey began at 505 pounds, and in less than a year, he has changed the way he thinks about food and portion sizes and daily activity. Sean has lost an incredible 194 pounds in those 324 days. And today is weigh day, so he may very well hit the 200 pound lost mark! Good luck, Sean! I know today will be wonderful for you; no matter what the numbers bring! You can read Sean's blog at http://www.losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/
I really hope you have the time to check it out. It's well worth the read!

I need to get around and ready for work. I just wanted to give you a quick update about how things were going this morning. And I can't wait to tell you how tonight's workout at the Y goes after work. I'm so excited to be back up and on track again!

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

Too Hot To Eat

It's hot in here! We have been having some off and on trouble with the air conditioner for some weeks now. My husband has always been able to do some little something to it to make it work for another day, though. Not today. When I came home today it was 102 degrees in the house. The air conditioner worked for a bit after coming home, but only long enough to cool it down to 98 and then it quit working again. Now it's 100 degrees in here. Way too hot to even think about eating. Good for me? Probably, considering I am usually an evening eater. I think I will get in a cool bath and hope for the best as my husband is outside right now trying to make another miracle happen. Perhaps he will get tired of it enough to finally replace it with the other one we have that works. (You know, why do today what we can put off until tomorrow.) (That's my husband's motto.)

So, I went to the Dr. today. Actually, she's not a Dr. She's a Nurse Practitioner. The main difference between a Dr. and a Nurse Practitioner is that a Dr. can perform surgery, whereas a NP cannot. And I think there may be some class 1 narcotics that they cannot prescribe. At any rate, I really like her. She's very nice and seems to know what she's doing. That coupled with the fact that my Pharmacist recommended her. Anyhow, I got the dreaded weight gaining steroids that I needed. The swelling is beginning to go down in my toe. I don't expect to be "back to normal" for another day or two. As long as I can get back to the Y soon, I will be happy. On a good note, I have lost three pounds in the last couple of weeks since I saw her last. It may not be as big of a loss as I would have like to have had, but it was a loss nonetheless.

Ok, I would really love to sit and tell you about how I did not order a Sonic Blast today when the kids had me to stop and get them one, but that cool bath is calling me...

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

Sitting is hard to do.

I've always been an active person. Even though I am overweight, I move around quite a bit. This sitting and proping my foot up all evening is killing me. Yes, the toe is still swollen. I tried to make an appointment for yesterday, but nothing was available until this afternoon. So I will go and ask for those horrible prednisone that caused me to gain 15 pounds when I had to take them before. I doubt I will gain another 15 pounds by taking them for a short period of time, but I am afriad that I may see a small gain.

I am trying very hard to keep my calories low. The worst time for my bad eating habits is in the evening. Good for me, it's hard to get to the kitchen without some pain, so I think twice before going. Bad for me, I am "bored" so I feel the desire to eat more. I'm doing pretty good, though. I'm not consuming near what I did some time ago when I didn't care what I ate.

I ordered a few books the other day to help me with calorie counts. I can't wait to get them. I also ordered a new Richard Simmons video. It has songs from the 80's. I can't wait to get that either. I love the 80's!

I had better run, or I guess limp. I've got to get ready for work. I hadn't blogged in a couple of days so I thought I should at least say something, even if it's quick, this morning. Right Sean? ; -)

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

My Story

Before I can tell you about my setback this week, I have to give you a little background.

I have weighed about 180 since I can remember, or at least since I was a teenager. I slowly crept up to around 200 somewhere in my late 20's or early 30's. This is funny because I can remember telling myself that I would never allow myself to weigh over 200; I would become bulimic before I allowed that, or at least that's what I told myself. Well, bulimia was never an option for me. It seems as though I've gagged myself a few times when I stuffed myself so full that I was uncomfortable, but it never came of anything. Well, around 4 or so years ago, I quit smoking. I gained a almost 60 pounds when I quit. I now bounced around between 250 and 260. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I am only 5 feet, 4 1/2 inches tall. I don't know how tall that is in meters, but I'm not a very tall girl. (I am the tallest girl in my immediate family, though. My mother and sisters are all shorter than me.) A couple of years later, I started nursing school. Very soon after beginning school, I began to have a sudden onset of severe pain and swelling in multiple joints in my body. It took some months for doctors to decide that I had rheumatoid arthritis. I was on the maximum dosage of steroids for an entire year. Along with steroid use comes weight gain. One year on predisone and I gained an additional 15 pounds. My top weight? 277 that I was aware of. I may have weighed more than that at some point, but at that weight, I avoided that scale at all costs. I finally got to quit taking prednisone but I was placed on weekly injections. I quit going to the rheumatoligist that I began seeing in Tulsa, Ok. For one, Tulsa is about an hour away from my house. Another reason I quit going to him is that I did not care for him. He didn't do anything wrong. I just didn't care for him. He seemed kind of dis-interested in me, and his nurse definitely left alot to be desired. So, I found a rheumatoligist that comes to Stillwater, which is right here where I live. On my second visit, my new rheumatologist could not find any proof that I had rheumatoid arthritis(RA). I began to taper myself off of the injections with his approval. The doctor ran a few tests and decided that whatever was wrong with me was not RA. Since I was asymptomatic, the doctor left me with the instructions to taper myself off of my medication and to call if I had any further problems.

So here we are at today... Two days after my last encouraging Rheumatology visit, my left hip hurt too bad to be able to walk the treadmill a the Y any more than 5 minutes. I had to quit and thought, "It's just a bad day... My hip will be better tomorrow." Well, lo and behold, it was better, but my second toe on my right foot had swollen and still is... three days later. I can barely walk on it. By the time I get home from work, all I can do is prop up my foot, take ibuprofen and put ice on it. Now I know this may seem odd to you and you may say, "Well, did you injure your toe?" No, this was quite common when I first became "sick" with whatever is wrong with me. You know, whatever is not RA. I am feeling very discouraged right now because I have been really focused here lately. Going to the Y every day, despite the circumstance. I have really felt like all of my obstacles were out of the way and the only thing for me to do now was to get healthy. I just don't know what to do at this point. I know we all have setbacks, and I am ok with having some. It's just that this setback has lasted almost all week and I don't know that I have the patience for this big of a setback.

I am the type of person that I would normally come up with a flip side to the problem and come up with a great solution, but I don't have one right now. I am very tired and my foot is ready to be propped up; it hurts so incredibly bad. Thank you so much for listening to me rattle on. I felt like I needed to give you a little background information before I just started carrying on.

I wish you all well on whatever journey you are on, if you are on one.
Thanks for reading,
Rachel