Even though I haven't blogged in several days, I haven't fallen off the wagon. I have still been exercising regularly and watching my calorie intake. I forgot a really important event in the last blog I wrote... I went to buy a new pair of jeans and I bought a size smaller. Hooray! I was so excited about that that I went back the next day and bought a different pair in the same size. I haven't worn that size (18) in over 5 years, I think.
So, my husband and I went to visit some very dear friends yesterday. We played cards, had a few drinks, had lots of laughs; it was an all around good time. My husband likes to "reminisce" about fun times we've had, so he had snapped some pictures for memento's of the occasion. So here we are today and he has pulled out his phone to have a look at his pictures. I thought I would hang out beside him and have a look too...
OMG! Talk about someone ripping the rug right out from underneath you! I had been feeling much better about the way I was looking, especially in my new jeans, until I saw those pictures. Oh my goodness! I really didn't like the pictures at all. Wait, that's an understatement. I HATED them!! Of course I asked my dear hubby if he could kindly erase all of the pictures of me. He could see how much the pictures bothered me, so he did. Or at least I think he did. I don't know.
Recently, I had a very dear friend say that he didn't like to look at a set of pictures that had been taken of him. Perhaps you know him. Sean from losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com Sean has lost an incredible amount of weight. In fact, he has lost 213 pounds in just over a year. He has done so by basically changing the way he thinks about food and exercise. If you have never checked out his blog, you should. He has been an incredible inspiration for me and many, many others around the world. So anyhow, back to the pics that he said he didn't like. I can look at his pictures and say that he looks really good in them, yet he had a hard time even posting them. I can totally see where he is coming from now. My husband told me that I the pictures of me looked really good, but all I could see was all the fat that still remains. I would love to say that the pictures served as a great inspiration for me to keep on moving in the right direction; the one I have been headed in consistently for several weeks now. The one that has got me into a size smaller jeans in what seems like no time at all. But they were not. In fact, they were quite detrimental. Part of me feels like, "What's the use? You work your ass off to see results and you still can't 'see' results?"
I know I have seen results. I know that by the way I am feeling these days and the way my clothes are fitting me. I know that by the muscle tone I am seeing develop in some parts of my body. I know that by the compliments I am getting from those around me who say they can see the difference in my size. I know I am seeing the results of my hard work and determination. But I also know this, I cannot and will not allow any more pictures until I am considerably smaller. I cannot afford to come as close to giving up as I did today. Those pictures almost caused me to go in to 'who gives a shit' mode. But I cannot and will not allow that. I am on a path, a journey, to where I want to be and I won't let something as little as a few undesirable pictures stand in the way of my goal. I want to live a happy, healthy life and I will. One step at a time with as few stumbles along the way as possible, this goal is attainable... and I will see it through to the end!
Thanks for reading,
May 21st, 2018 It's Not
1 day ago