The Need For Change

I gained one pound this week. Last week's weight, 244. This week, 245. I am really trying to figure out what I need to do at this point.

I would really like to just go away and live on my own that way I don't have all the distractions in my life and I can focus on me and nothing else. I don't see that happening.

I live with all of these people who don't give a crap about what they eat and it is so hard to stay focused when you live with that everyday. I feel like I have tried so hard and when weigh day comes, it just didn't matter.

I don't keep a written down record of what I eat and I should. I don't know the exact calorie counts of everything I eat and I should, even though I've got a pretty close guess. I don't work out on the weekends because I am usually busy with other people, and I should.

Through the day, it's no problem. I know exactly how many calories I have consumed during the day. I go to the Y right after work. I am very focused when it's me time. It's when I come home that everything changes. I ate pretty responsibly in the evenings this week though. I guess it's the weekends that get me? I don't know. Friday I didn't go to the Y after work. I had some kid stuff to deal with. They were going out of town for the weekend and I had to get home to take care of that. Friday night my husband and I went out to eat. Saturday I didn't go to the Y to workout. We had a snacky day because it was game day. Today is Sunday and the Y isn't open. I know that I won't work out today because I just don't on the weekends. I have no excuse, but I just feel like if it was just me, I would stay more focused.

Yesterday morning when I woke up I thought, "I'm going to get up and go into town and workout this morning." Then I remembered that my sister was in from out of town. When I got around and bathed, then my husband wanted to go into town with me. I knew at that point that I wouldn't be working out. He told me to go ahead and go work out and he would find something to do while I was there, but I can't do that. For whatever reason, if I feel like someone is waiting on me, then I can't stay focused on working out and I can't work out for long because I feel very rushed. We went to my Mom's and visited with my sister for a bit and then when they left to go to my other sister's house in a nearby town, my husband and I had time to go into town, pay a few bills, go to the store and pick up stuff for the football game and get back before company arrived. From the time I left the house in the morning, my day did not end until 2 am. Now that isn't typical of my weekends, but I do stay nonstop busy and don't have time for me.

I just want the world to go away so I don't have anything to worry about but me. Since that isn't going to happen, then I've got to find a way to work around the obstacles in my life and still get to where I want to be. I'll spend the rest of my day trying to figure out what to do. This journey is about making the changes necessary to get to where I want to be.

I once heard an answering machine message that said, "Sorry I can't come to the phone. I am busy making changes in my life. You will have to leave me a message and I will get back with you as soon as I can. If you don't hear back from me, then you are probably one of the changes I am making. Thanks for calling."

Today is definitely a day when I have to figure out what changes I need to make.