Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Need For Change

I gained one pound this week. Last week's weight, 244. This week, 245. I am really trying to figure out what I need to do at this point.

I would really like to just go away and live on my own that way I don't have all the distractions in my life and I can focus on me and nothing else. I don't see that happening.

I live with all of these people who don't give a crap about what they eat and it is so hard to stay focused when you live with that everyday. I feel like I have tried so hard and when weigh day comes, it just didn't matter.

I don't keep a written down record of what I eat and I should. I don't know the exact calorie counts of everything I eat and I should, even though I've got a pretty close guess. I don't work out on the weekends because I am usually busy with other people, and I should.

Through the day, it's no problem. I know exactly how many calories I have consumed during the day. I go to the Y right after work. I am very focused when it's me time. It's when I come home that everything changes. I ate pretty responsibly in the evenings this week though. I guess it's the weekends that get me? I don't know. Friday I didn't go to the Y after work. I had some kid stuff to deal with. They were going out of town for the weekend and I had to get home to take care of that. Friday night my husband and I went out to eat. Saturday I didn't go to the Y to workout. We had a snacky day because it was game day. Today is Sunday and the Y isn't open. I know that I won't work out today because I just don't on the weekends. I have no excuse, but I just feel like if it was just me, I would stay more focused.

Yesterday morning when I woke up I thought, "I'm going to get up and go into town and workout this morning." Then I remembered that my sister was in from out of town. When I got around and bathed, then my husband wanted to go into town with me. I knew at that point that I wouldn't be working out. He told me to go ahead and go work out and he would find something to do while I was there, but I can't do that. For whatever reason, if I feel like someone is waiting on me, then I can't stay focused on working out and I can't work out for long because I feel very rushed. We went to my Mom's and visited with my sister for a bit and then when they left to go to my other sister's house in a nearby town, my husband and I had time to go into town, pay a few bills, go to the store and pick up stuff for the football game and get back before company arrived. From the time I left the house in the morning, my day did not end until 2 am. Now that isn't typical of my weekends, but I do stay nonstop busy and don't have time for me.

I just want the world to go away so I don't have anything to worry about but me. Since that isn't going to happen, then I've got to find a way to work around the obstacles in my life and still get to where I want to be. I'll spend the rest of my day trying to figure out what to do. This journey is about making the changes necessary to get to where I want to be.

I once heard an answering machine message that said, "Sorry I can't come to the phone. I am busy making changes in my life. You will have to leave me a message and I will get back with you as soon as I can. If you don't hear back from me, then you are probably one of the changes I am making. Thanks for calling."

Today is definitely a day when I have to figure out what changes I need to make.


  1. Here's a little gift for you to read entitled "Why the Scale Lies":

    Enjoy! ...and don't beat yourself up!

  2. Congratulations! I have an award for you!

  3. Hi, Rach,

    My uncle once said to me that there will ALWAYS be something in the way of your journey to living healthily. When you live with other people, they get in the way. When you live by yourself, YOU get in the way.

    It sounds to me like a lot of the obstacles you're talking about have been placed in your path by none other than you! I know how that is, believe me! But until you DECIDE that you are no longer going to get in your own way, your journey forward will be a struggle.

    So next time your husbands says to work out and he'll wait, DO IT!

    Next time you wake up with the desire to work out and remember your sister is in town, DO IT! Maybe she'll understand, maybe she won't, but you will be CHOOSING to take another step towards your goal.

    Good luck!