A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Pounds

Even though I haven't blogged in several days, I haven't fallen off the wagon. I have still been exercising regularly and watching my calorie intake. I forgot a really important event in the last blog I wrote... I went to buy a new pair of jeans and I bought a size smaller. Hooray! I was so excited about that that I went back the next day and bought a different pair in the same size. I haven't worn that size (18) in over 5 years, I think.

So, my husband and I went to visit some very dear friends yesterday. We played cards, had a few drinks, had lots of laughs; it was an all around good time. My husband likes to "reminisce" about fun times we've had, so he had snapped some pictures for memento's of the occasion. So here we are today and he has pulled out his phone to have a look at his pictures. I thought I would hang out beside him and have a look too...

OMG! Talk about someone ripping the rug right out from underneath you! I had been feeling much better about the way I was looking, especially in my new jeans, until I saw those pictures. Oh my goodness! I really didn't like the pictures at all. Wait, that's an understatement. I HATED them!! Of course I asked my dear hubby if he could kindly erase all of the pictures of me. He could see how much the pictures bothered me, so he did. Or at least I think he did. I don't know.

Recently, I had a very dear friend say that he didn't like to look at a set of pictures that had been taken of him. Perhaps you know him. Sean from losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com Sean has lost an incredible amount of weight. In fact, he has lost 213 pounds in just over a year. He has done so by basically changing the way he thinks about food and exercise. If you have never checked out his blog, you should. He has been an incredible inspiration for me and many, many others around the world. So anyhow, back to the pics that he said he didn't like. I can look at his pictures and say that he looks really good in them, yet he had a hard time even posting them. I can totally see where he is coming from now. My husband told me that I the pictures of me looked really good, but all I could see was all the fat that still remains. I would love to say that the pictures served as a great inspiration for me to keep on moving in the right direction; the one I have been headed in consistently for several weeks now. The one that has got me into a size smaller jeans in what seems like no time at all. But they were not. In fact, they were quite detrimental. Part of me feels like, "What's the use? You work your ass off to see results and you still can't 'see' results?"

I know I have seen results. I know that by the way I am feeling these days and the way my clothes are fitting me. I know that by the muscle tone I am seeing develop in some parts of my body. I know that by the compliments I am getting from those around me who say they can see the difference in my size. I know I am seeing the results of my hard work and determination. But I also know this, I cannot and will not allow any more pictures until I am considerably smaller. I cannot afford to come as close to giving up as I did today. Those pictures almost caused me to go in to 'who gives a shit' mode. But I cannot and will not allow that. I am on a path, a journey, to where I want to be and I won't let something as little as a few undesirable pictures stand in the way of my goal. I want to live a happy, healthy life and I will. One step at a time with as few stumbles along the way as possible, this goal is attainable... and I will see it through to the end!

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

My First 5K

I started off at the Y today warming up by walking seven-tenths of a mile on the treadmill, then I moved to the weight room. I did twenty reps of low weight on each machine. I even got on the "butt machine," or at least that's what I call it. I haven't used that one yet because I thought I would look awkward on it. You have to rest on your stomach and arms and pick your leg up in the back. I can't really explain it and couldn't find a picture of it to post for you. But at any rate, I even did twenty reps with each leg on that machine. (By the way, it wasn't near as awkward as I thought it would be. I will definitely do it again. I could feel the pull in my butt and my abdomen and I liked it. It's the feeling of impending, wonderful changes.)
Anyhow, after the weight room, I went back to the treadmill. I didn't set a time on it, I just thought I would go for however long I felt like going. I didn't have my phone on me and had no pressing engagements to attend to, so I just walked and listened to my Ipod. It was wonderful. When an upbeat song would come on and the mood led me, I would jog. Then I would back down to a power walk or back to a regular walking pace, then maybe back up again a few songs later. I just did whatever I felt like doing. So... I ended up walking an additional 2 and 1/2 miles. With the 7/10ths from before the weight room, that's a grand total of 3.2 miles. My first 5K! I feel so awesome about this. I know it wasn't all in one stretch, but I walked 5K nonetheless... AND worked on weights! Wow! This really feels great!

I feel like I'm being selfish right now and not taking care of those around me that have relied on me to take care of things for so many years. And I know this may sound bad, but right now I really don't care. I have put my health on hold for... well, basically my whole life. It's time to do something for me. Something I want to do, something I need to do, something that's long overdue. As much as I would love to think that I am so important that my household will cease to function without me there for an hour or two, it will not. My husband will be able to figure out what to make for dinner. My children will not die because Mom isn't there to hear all about their day as soon as they come in the door. Life will go on and I will get myself where I need and want to be in the process.

This feels so great! Thanks for coming along on my journey! I hope you have a wonderful night! (or day, whichever the case may be)

Rachel

A Little Sore

I don't have much time to say a whole lot of anything this morning...

I just wanted to stop in to say that I am still doing great and am still staying within my calorie budget and still working out.

I do have to say this, I can definitely tell when I don't have protein after a workout. I forgot to take my bag with me yesterday and I ended up working out in my work clothes. It's ok, because I wear scrubs bottoms and a t-shirt to work. But I didn't have a protein drink with me for after my workout. I can tell the difference that protein makes after the workout. Some of my muscles are pretty sore today. I usually don't have to deal with the soreness of the day after because the protein shake replenishes what is lost during the workout. I will work through it, though and this will definitely remind me to bring my bag with me with my workout clothes, my Ipod, and my protein!

Hope you have a great day! Thanks for reading,
Rachel

The Return Of The Positive Attitude

I am feeling absolutely great today! My calorie intake for the day is 1150 calories and my workout was FABULOUS! I went to the Y and walked in fat burning range for about 12 minutes to warm up, then I hit the weights... low weights, high reps... 40 each, then back to the treadmill for a power walk with sporadic running for another 3/4 of a mile. I am going to bed again tonight feeling good about the day and the choices I have made. I love that feeling! I hope to hold on to the way this feels and want it more and more everyday until it is just habit to make all the good choices I know I need to make. I have no doubt that I will have times when I don't feel motivated, but I would love to think that I want to feel the way this feels so bad that I will overcome the bad days and still end up with that feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day.

I have a confession to make... this is the first time I have ever "really" tried to lose weight. I would like to say that I understand the dieting roller coaster, but I don't. I have never really had the desire to change the way I looked. In fact, I think it was always easier to just ignore it. You know, don't look at the pictures of you, in fact, insist that no one takes your picture; don't go out to buy new clothes because you would have to face up to what size you really were; don't put yourself in any social situation in which you may be asked to be physically active, and so on and so forth.

You know what, I can't say that I have never had the desire, I have toyed with the idea for some many years, it was just always too much work. And who was I hurting anyhow? My family, that's who. My kids. I didn't raise them with the attitude toward food and exercise that they should have had growing up. And now, well now they are rather lackadaisical about it. And who's to blame them. That's all they know. I hope that there is still time to change that. Through my actions and the results they will see and the positive attitude I have about this new lifestyle, I hope they will see how important it is to change the way they think about their health. In time, I'm sure they will. They are smart kids.

So here's to another day gone forever with no way to change it. I wouldn't if I could anyhow. It's been a good day. With a little luck and sheer determination, tomorrow will be too.

Thanks for reading,
Rachel

Weigh Day Sunday

So I guess I've learned my lesson about saying "It's not like working at all." I mentioned this in the last blog I wrote on Labor Day. I worked all day long on Labor Day... and have worked long days ever since then. I work again today and for the next three days after that, but then... a four day weekend! I'm so excited about that.

Today is weigh day. I am happy to report that I am down by 4 pounds since last week. I am sitting at 241 today. I don't see why I can't drop below 240 by next Sunday. I wasn't able to get to the gym this week and workout. Well, I went on Tuesday, but that's the only day. So I know that with keeping my calories low and working out this week, I will see 230-something next week. That will be nice.

I am feeling better and looking better these days. My clothes are fitting a bit looser and that's a freat feeling. I suppose I need to figure out how to post pictures some day soon. I will hit Sean up to teach me. When I learn, I will post some before and in progress pics. I am looking forward to actually "seeing" the difference myself. I live with me everyday and even though I see the difference, I don't "see" the difference. It will be nice to actually look at the pictures from last year (the ones that I can't stand looking at) and compare them to pictures now.

So I am off to work. Let's hope that today isn't a bad day. I think I have learned my lesson on saying it isn't like working at all. It can, indeed, be work. But I enjoy it nonetheless.

Thanks for reading. Hope your week is full of great experiences and you are surrounded by a positivity.

Rachel

A New Day and A New Attitude

I had to weigh this morning... just to see. Today's weight, 243. Down by 2 pounds from yesterday.
New Me at http://newme-freshstart.blogspot.com/ sent me the best link yesterday. Thank you for that. I really needed it. It explained how the body's weight fluctuates and that we really shouldn't worry about what the scale says. It has alot of interesting information in it. I suggest that you read it if you get the chance. You can find it at http://primusweb.com/fitnesspartner/library/weight/scale.htm
It's worth the read. There are alot more things to be found on that website, I just haven't had a chance to read them yet, but I'm going to bet that it is good useful information.

So I feel a bit better about life today. I am going to start writing down what I eat and how many calories are in each thing, that way I will have more of an exact count. Also, I am going to have some peace and quiet more often in the evenings. I think part of my problem is chaos. It's not that my house is chaotic, it's noisy. I don't like noise. I like quiet. My husband, on the other hand, must have noise. He's the guy that turns on the t.v. as soon as he gets up in the morning and as soon as he gets home in the evening. The worst part is, he will come into the bedroom (where I'm sitting quietly) and turn the t.v. on and leave the room. DRIVES ME CRAZY! I really feel like this added noise adds stress to my evenings causing me to eta more. I had a quiet day yesterday here at home and I only had 977 calories for the day. It was soooo nice to have a peaceful day. So how are my evenings going to become more quiet? I don't know yet. My husband and I are working on that. But I do know that it will get better.

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress."
Fredrick Douglas


So I am off to work on Labor Day. That's ok, though. I only have a couple of people to see this morning and then I get to come back home. I will see one more this evening too. I will have the emergency phone though and if it rings, I will have to go back to work, but other than that, it's not like really working today.

Thanks for reading... Hope you have a wonderful day!
Rachel

The Need For Change

I gained one pound this week. Last week's weight, 244. This week, 245. I am really trying to figure out what I need to do at this point.

I would really like to just go away and live on my own that way I don't have all the distractions in my life and I can focus on me and nothing else. I don't see that happening.

I live with all of these people who don't give a crap about what they eat and it is so hard to stay focused when you live with that everyday. I feel like I have tried so hard and when weigh day comes, it just didn't matter.

I don't keep a written down record of what I eat and I should. I don't know the exact calorie counts of everything I eat and I should, even though I've got a pretty close guess. I don't work out on the weekends because I am usually busy with other people, and I should.

Through the day, it's no problem. I know exactly how many calories I have consumed during the day. I go to the Y right after work. I am very focused when it's me time. It's when I come home that everything changes. I ate pretty responsibly in the evenings this week though. I guess it's the weekends that get me? I don't know. Friday I didn't go to the Y after work. I had some kid stuff to deal with. They were going out of town for the weekend and I had to get home to take care of that. Friday night my husband and I went out to eat. Saturday I didn't go to the Y to workout. We had a snacky day because it was game day. Today is Sunday and the Y isn't open. I know that I won't work out today because I just don't on the weekends. I have no excuse, but I just feel like if it was just me, I would stay more focused.

Yesterday morning when I woke up I thought, "I'm going to get up and go into town and workout this morning." Then I remembered that my sister was in from out of town. When I got around and bathed, then my husband wanted to go into town with me. I knew at that point that I wouldn't be working out. He told me to go ahead and go work out and he would find something to do while I was there, but I can't do that. For whatever reason, if I feel like someone is waiting on me, then I can't stay focused on working out and I can't work out for long because I feel very rushed. We went to my Mom's and visited with my sister for a bit and then when they left to go to my other sister's house in a nearby town, my husband and I had time to go into town, pay a few bills, go to the store and pick up stuff for the football game and get back before company arrived. From the time I left the house in the morning, my day did not end until 2 am. Now that isn't typical of my weekends, but I do stay nonstop busy and don't have time for me.

I just want the world to go away so I don't have anything to worry about but me. Since that isn't going to happen, then I've got to find a way to work around the obstacles in my life and still get to where I want to be. I'll spend the rest of my day trying to figure out what to do. This journey is about making the changes necessary to get to where I want to be.

I once heard an answering machine message that said, "Sorry I can't come to the phone. I am busy making changes in my life. You will have to leave me a message and I will get back with you as soon as I can. If you don't hear back from me, then you are probably one of the changes I am making. Thanks for calling."

Today is definitely a day when I have to figure out what changes I need to make.